6-10-01
The end of the fucking idiot has begun. I told you I would tell you when I would stop being one. Will power. It all comes back to will power. See, we were discussing the idea of why do people do things they think are wrong. Do they really believe that it is wrong? I was sort of having that problem. I was thinking of something, and I had to make myself believe it. Some song lyric popped in my head about if you can make yourself believe it, then convincing everyone else is easy. Well, I was trying to convince myself, and today I think I got confirmation. I'm giving a big SWEET to it, because angry depressed Saul is no fun. Trust me, I lived with him for close to two weeks.

This weekend has been chill. Complete chill that it worked for me. I've mentioned that it doesn't take much to entertain me. Another group of kids showed up at my door for a scavenger hunt. This time I gave them some yarn. Those kids. I think I'm more excited towards the whole idea than they are.

Many events occurred tonight. Such as a friend buying me a bouncing ball that looked like a pool ball. I got number 9. Jealous? Thought so. We bought some Mr. CookieFace... and oh are they good. Then Charlie, our cashier, got into a big political discussion with Bill. Something about the free trade agreement. But since my Mr. CookieFace started to melt, we left. If you were thinking that a mob boss would not eat Mr. CookieFace. Well your wrong. Because as soon as we left the Jewel parking lot, I bounced the pool ball around and it hit some guys car. He gave me a dirty look, and then I think he recognized me and stayed in his car. Damn straight. If he messed with me, not only would he be a dead man, but his family too. And he knew it. See, being a mob boss allows you to bounce balls that look like pool balls and get away with it. Man life rules.

We then watched Eyes Wide Shut. This movie always fucks me up. It reminds me of this crazy dream I had a few years back. And it screws up my ideas of love. My idea is a simple idea, and Eyes Wide Shut makes you think that love sucks and is all about revenge and being alone. My soul grows small and cold.

But not today. I even think the red ants are done eating the green gummi bear. Stay strong green gummi bear. Stay strong.
4:25 AM

6-08-01
A Philosophy on the Office
Working in an office makes you realize a few things. Such as if this works gives so many people headaches, why do they continue to stay here. I haven't seen this many people with headaches since, well, maybe the hospital, but they had other things wrong with them too. The entire day I spent thinking about how all this paper I'm wasting and all this ink writing a bunch of numbers mean nothing to me, and they mean nothing to half of the people in the office, so therefore why do they mean anything, FLD12064ST. I started to imagine that all these numbers were really monsters, slowly devouring my soul. I spend my time fighting this monster, at least until 5:00 rolls around. Then my fellow captives rush for the open doors, crammed in an elevator that seems like their cables may snap at anytime. And what do I do? I go back everyday to fight the monsters because someone has to, and I like doing things...and things cost money.

I'm trying to think of the person who sat around thinking that the business he wanted to do, the one that really made sense to him that really pinched at his heart was to create a company that gives money to people to buy trucks. Then I would like to find him and kick him in the groin.

Okay, I lied. I'm still slightly more stoopud than I thought.

And the red ants continued to eat the green gummi bears.
6:18 PM

6-07-01
At work after all of my futile attempts at traveling around this thing people call the World Wide Web, I have accepted defeat. Which is not a really new thing in my life, the whole acceptance of defeat thing. Which now means I might have to learn whatever my job entails me to do. Damn. A whole good thing down the drain.

I'm less of an idiot everyday...well, unless you count everything else besides the thing I am talking about, because I'm still pretty much an idiot in those things.

I've been thinking about expanding my mob business (the temp job is just a front). That is why I'll be traveling out East in the next few weeks (the 20th to be exact). Anthony will be in charge. If you have any questions about where your payments should go or about getting into my import/export business, direct all you calls to Anthony.

This does not mean that you should rob the Cradle again since I won't be there. It is still a house and deserves respect! Hell, I don't even live there anymore.
6:52 PM

I forgot to mention...FUCK YOU LAKERS! HA! WAY TO LOSE!
7:08 PM

6-05-01
I am less angry at the world today than I have been the last few days. Still an idiot though, but only a slight idiot...

Today was the first real day of work for me. My job consists of me looking at files on people who want to buy trucks, but we call them tractors not trucks, enter their credit information in a computer, then I call banks and previous jobs to find out if the people who want to own a truck lied to me on their application. I've become slightly more afraid of all those people who actually drive a truck now. Should you be afraid of a man who can't write numbers correctly, but will still buy a $1000,000 truck?

The cutest thing that happened today is when I called a lady she told me all about a car she used to drive on a delivery route. She talked to me about it for about 10 minutes. The best part is when she told me that she couldn't even find the information I was looking for. that made me smile. Because simple pleasures are all I have these days.

Best simple pleasure of the week. A bunch of kids showed up at my door. The first kid asked for a penny from 1990. A scavenger hunt. I ended up giving them a red lollipop.
11:22 PM

6-04-01
Fuck the world today. Well, I guess fuck the world on Friday. The reason for these harsh bitter words is that I was just informed that the Cradle has been robbed again. AGAIN! Twice in one year. Luckily for me I had all of my stuff out of there, but that doesn't help the people still living there. With the way I've been feeling, plus this, when I was just starting to think that the world is okay...well, I'll just go back to the first sentence of this paragraph. Fuck the world today.

Hey, Vinnie. Go down to Champaign and find the people who did this, and take care of them.
3:05 PM

Last night when I was out Marc got a message stating that he was out with rich and powerful friends. Since I was with Marc, that would mean I'm rich and powerful. It is nice that others have taken notice of my mob ties.

I just got a job (yes, a temp job, but a job)! I start tomorrow. No more guilt for doing things anymore! Sweet. This does not stop me from being an idiot. The excitement should leave me in about a week.
11:59 AM

On my drive to the city yesterday I passed a sign that told me Summer was directly to the right. Luckily I was turning right at that particular moment, so I hit Summer head on. So what if I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jacket. Summer was right here. The only problem was that I had to keep driving, and since I did not see another sign telling me the further directions to Summer, I might have passed it. I hope that does not mean winter is now coming.

Moulin Rouge, two thumbs up. Way up.

Why is it that there was nothing that caught my attention last night on tv, and the lack of food in my house...what's up with that?

Highlight of basketball yesterday (besides me finally winning a few games) was when Chris T. made a shot and shouted "All you motherfuckers can step." Man, I love being a white suburban kid attempting to play basketball.

I'll let everyone know when I stop being a fucking idiot.
10:40 AM