6-18-2001
One of the major problems with being a mob boss is that you have to build up your respect, or you have to kill a lot of people who disrespect, and let me tell you about disrespect... You need some cred. It is quite difficult to just jump right in especially with no Italian genes. Well, this weekend I found out I do have some cred. Yes Don Saul is now a major part of this institution we call, the mob. My grandfather told me a story when he was working at the Jewel. One of his co-workers, named Fritzy Tate, was married to a mobster. She would show up every six months in a new Cadillac. Fritzy took a bunch of people out to a club...a mobster club (the 'mobster club' should be read in a manner where the voice grows larger and ominous). There my grandfather met some big time mobsters and all his drinks were free.

Perks of a mobster...free drinks.

I got to get me a Cadillac.

Scott is back in Chicago. He just can't get enough of this place I guess. I mean, he does live in Omaha. That's pretty far away. Seriously. I drove there and back a few times. Anyway, if you would like to talk to Scott his phone number is (312)726-2840 x 302. Expect to see me with him tomorrow night, feel free to join us.

This entire weekend I felt something crazy was going to happen. Sadly, nothing too crazy happened. In my mind I was rationalizing it that I'm saving my craziness for this week for my
Spectaclous Fandazical Road Trip 2001
First off, I only have to work two days this week, then I'm heading out on Wednesday. The trip begins with a quick ride around Chicago and then off to Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and then Boston. I was in Boston last year, fun for all. I'm not expecting a repeat, but I will get to taste lobster for the first time in my life. We have this swank $300 hotel that is only costing $50 a night. Then we meet up with Paryl, who might allow us to look at some nuclear subs. (domination of the world, ha ha ha!) The best part is I actually get to go on a road trip since I've been talking about one for a few months now. I'm excited, and I hope you are excited too.

But with me heading out of here, odds of me updating my webpage may be slim (I'm still checking the odds Vegas is giving me), at least not till the weekend. But who knows. I'm tricky like that. So keep on your toes, and don't break into the Cradle. Three times in one year would be a little meracular.
7:55 PM

6-16-2001
Today Bill is the big winner. Why you ask? And you ask if it is all right for me to keep declaring people as winners? Well, Bill is the winner because he bought my lazy ass a Radiohead ticket. Last night I debated on waking up and getting a ticket, but then I told myself I like the sleep and I don't really have enough money to buy more than one ticket due to events occurring next week. Therefore people would be angry at me for only buying one ticket. Bill on the other hand bought many tickets with one having my name on it. Amazing what Ticketmaster can do these days. So, to make a long story short, props to Bill, and see you at Radiohead. His prize is the many links to him.

I'm amazing somehow. If I even have a thought about a girl and think that I might like her, odds are I'll make sure we never get together because I'm stoopud and somehow do everything in my power to make her think I'm not interested. Damn foolish me.

While at work every once in a while I can hear music being played over the PA. Most of the time it is Destiny's Child's Survivor which makes me curl up in a little ball, rok back and forth with my thumb in my mouth, and ask how the hell could someone have made this song, and who in the world allowed it to get popular. Other times I hear Green Day's new song. But yesterday I heard Blur's Song #2. The best two minutes of my day at work. I started to imagine people flying around as in the video. The entire office being thrown in to disarray. My desk flying towards me as I bounce around off the walls. I would almost be flying. All the paper we waste everyday in faxes and more faxes. And then the song ended. 2 minutes I was happy...then I went back to work...
10:59 AM

6-15-01
Mike Renaud wins! What does he win, well, I'll decide on that later. But he won the unspoken contest of WHO CAN CALL ME AT WORK FIRST! And Mike Renaud did. So props to Mike Renaud.

I feel I should call more strangers idiots. I would have to say it in a way that sounded complementary so that the stranger would feel confused, therefore making my statement a truth we all can live by. This really would not change people's first impression of me anyway. Usually I'm thought of as the nice quiet guy, but now I would be known as that weird guy who keeps calling people idiots.

The only problem with this idea is that odds are I'll get kicked many times, and I would lose track the number of times I get punched in the face. And the amount of money I would spend on new glasses...hmmm my idea may have some flaws. Let's work on this one for a while.

As a mob boss I do have enough opportunities to call people idiots. Like Sweeny came in today and told me how he screwed up the 'hit' on Falzoni's. Instead of shooting the cook he shot the bum sleeping outside the restaurant. I looked him straight in the eye and told Sweeny to shut up. Then I called him an idiot.

Later that day Sweeny met an unfortunate accident. We shall all miss Sweeny.

An article I read (who am I kidding, I don't read) said that homeless people spend most of their time playing hide and go seek. Man, that would be cool.

"Never help anyone." Homer Simpson. Yes Homer, yes.


6-14-01
My Madden season has grown boring. I don't like to brag about myself, but it was too easy. So yesterday I started up a new season as the Bills in NFL2K on the Dreamcast. I haven't really played the Dreamcast too much, but right now the Bills are rocking! Flutie...the most yards passing. Need more sacks! Must get more sacks!

"Hey, I'm bored. Let's do something." Person 1
"I know. Let's call Mike at work, or leave a message for him on his voice mail at work." Person 2
"But what is his number?" Person 1
How many times has this happened to you? Well, now we can all fix this because I now have a desk. Yes, my own desk, and even a name card (on printer paper, but still my name shown high and proud for all to see). And it doesn't stop there. I have a phone too. Feel free to call me. 1-800-659-444 ext 4668.
6:35 PM

6-12-01
My brain doesn't really work right now...making writing difficult...and thinking. Thinking is difficult too.

I saw Evolution last night. Now, when a person goes to see a movie like this they can't be expecting something amazing, but they can find it entertaining. Such as all the butt and penis jokes. Sometimes butt and penis jokes can be priceless. And farts. Let's not forget farts. A well placed fart can create so much character development.


Because of all the smiles a Mr. CookieFace can bring.

And I don't have much to say today.
6:22 PM

6-10-01
The end of the fucking idiot has begun. I told you I would tell you when I would stop being one. Will power. It all comes back to will power. See, we were discussing the idea of why do people do things they think are wrong. Do they really believe that it is wrong? I was sort of having that problem. I was thinking of something, and I had to make myself believe it. Some song lyric popped in my head about if you can make yourself believe it, then convincing everyone else is easy. Well, I was trying to convince myself, and today I think I got confirmation. I'm giving a big SWEET to it, because angry depressed Saul is no fun. Trust me, I lived with him for close to two weeks.

This weekend has been chill. Complete chill that it worked for me. I've mentioned that it doesn't take much to entertain me. Another group of kids showed up at my door for a scavenger hunt. This time I gave them some yarn. Those kids. I think I'm more excited towards the whole idea than they are.

Many events occurred tonight. Such as a friend buying me a bouncing ball that looked like a pool ball. I got number 9. Jealous? Thought so. We bought some Mr. CookieFace... and oh are they good. Then Charlie, our cashier, got into a big political discussion with Bill. Something about the free trade agreement. But since my Mr. CookieFace started to melt, we left. If you were thinking that a mob boss would not eat Mr. CookieFace. Well your wrong. Because as soon as we left the Jewel parking lot, I bounced the pool ball around and it hit some guys car. He gave me a dirty look, and then I think he recognized me and stayed in his car. Damn straight. If he messed with me, not only would he be a dead man, but his family too. And he knew it. See, being a mob boss allows you to bounce balls that look like pool balls and get away with it. Man life rules.

We then watched Eyes Wide Shut. This movie always fucks me up. It reminds me of this crazy dream I had a few years back. And it screws up my ideas of love. My idea is a simple idea, and Eyes Wide Shut makes you think that love sucks and is all about revenge and being alone. My soul grows small and cold.

But not today. I even think the red ants are done eating the green gummi bear. Stay strong green gummi bear. Stay strong.
4:25 AM