5-13-02
It was Mother's Day yesterday. I hope you remembered. I mean, my children didn't give me shit. Besides the fact that I don't have any children and I'm not a mother.

The drinking of one sorrows away commenced on a late Sat. evening. Not as destructive for myself, but I'm pretty sure most of the sorrows drowned for at least the majority of the evening. Take that sorrows.

5-10-02
A quick reminder - when you do anything it is important to run away as fast as you can after you have accomplished whatever objective you ventured out. Case in point, which is also the amusement of the day, two kids, no older than eight, throwing water balloons at the bus I was riding on. After they finished they proceeded to run away as fast as they could. At some point this weekend I should run away.

The children brought back most of what I sold during the last two days, my soul. My temp agency finally came through and found me a very temporary job, which I thank all mighty beings either large or small for it being only temporary. My job consisted of me making copies. Nothing else. Stand there and make copies for eight hours. The majority of the time I'm okay. Really I am. It's no big deal. I've done some pretty mindless jobs before in my past. Hell, I was a security guard at the art museum in Champaign for close to two and half years. Two days of making copies should be a snap. But after about an hour of it you find yourself dreaming of data entry. Dreaming of data entry, you say? I do say.

The worst part of it, besides that they needed me there at 7 (because the copies can't wait!), was that while I was making copies the floor manager came up to me and complimented me on my coping making methods. "Your copies look great! Your doing a better job than most of the people working here!" Shit lady, my copies are the same as everybody else's. And why did almost every employee come up and ask me, "Have you ever copied before?" Like it's some special club. A club of superheroes?

AND LET'S RUN!

5-04-02
Oh my god. Spider-man was phenomenallie, stupendorific, and slappy fantabular all rolled up into a large box with some biscuits for fun. Two thumbs up from yours truly, and I mean way up, almost to the ceiling. Let me explain in two simple scenes why this movie was all those words I mentioned above. The fight scenes, which I really do not get into all that often, were great. There was one move where Spider-man punched a guy, and as the guy flew in the air, Spider-man webbed up, brought him back so that he can punch the guy again. Sweet! And the scene that really sold me was the first time Peter Parker figured out he can climb walls. It brought back all those memories of when I was a child imagining I could fly, climb walls, or thought that the plastic baseball bats were light sabers. It made you believe again. That is why I will be seeing Spider-man again (if you need someone to go, I'm your guy, job or no job) and will upgrade my attempts to really learning how to fly. I mean, let's face it, superheroes get all the chicks.

5-03-02
Somehow a night of sitting at my place turned into a night of watching Wilco play. How the hell did I get a ticket at the door?

Tonight is the night a small boy dreamed about for years. I get to watch Spider-man on the big screen. Simple, Spider-man/Peter Parker is my fav comic book character, so needless to say I'm excited about this movie. And I really do not get excited about much these days.

On the health front. We have been able to repel the invading forces. There influence has touched a few of our citizens, but we feel by the end of the weekend we should have eliminated all constituencies with out further harm. I understand losing the platoons 'spit as much as you can' and 'blow your nose now not then' was heart wrenching. They had to be sacrificed for the betterment of the entire body. They will be remembered. We almost lost the nose, and the throat/lungs are burning, but we have emergency crews and Red Cross coming in putting out the blaze as we speak. Over all I would call this operation a complete success.

My kitchen walls are growing. I'm not joking. Multiple bubbles have formed on the walls. I spent a good portion of the morning pushing them back in. I have to assume that this house is possessed just like in Poltergeist. Hopefully my tv does not eat me. And if my doors and bed decide to fuck with me, well, I have no qualms about busting my foot up all them poltergeists asses. Unnless of course the bubbles have baby spider eggs, and when the bubbles pop all the spiders will come rushing out. That will freak me a bit too much. I'm not a big fan of spiders. But I still think Spider-man is my favorite comic book character, so get off my ass!

Thwip!

5-01-02
I'm currently sitting here with Spider-man tickets for Friday. Glee exudes from my ears.

Or course, I'm still a bit ill (even after two days of hibernation) so that glee could just be something that I don't even want to know about.

I have decided to scratch off another job from the never-ending list of possible jobs, ice cube collector. After watching The Simpsons (and The Simpsons only speak "The Truth" and since I search for "The Truth", I must watch The Simpsons) and hearing what kind of conditions they must put themselves up to. Collecting ice in the South Pole just so that some wealthy seven year old can drink their Kool-Aid chilled just does not fall under my qualifications or my desire. I mean, I don't really like the cold all that much. So Ice Cube Collector falls among the other jobs I have put on my short but growing list of jobs I will gracefully decline - male prostitute, ice cube collector, salmonella taste tester, and almost any job concerning insurance.

I'm going to go and read some Spider-man comics now. And heal, let's not forget about healing.

4-30-02
Everything is moving in slow motion. Oh wait, it's just me.

After achieving 11 months of no illnesses I have been struck with some sort of sinus infection. I was playing some skilled white boy basketball just last Sunday. Monday hit, and I was done. Since I don't actually accomplish anything through out the day I felt I would gather myself and heal. Go to bed early, drink plenty of liquids, the usual I'm going to kick this virus right up its ass and maybe shove a fork in their just to prove my point. Ultimate failure.

Reading makes my head swim. Currently all I am thinking about is the movie Innerspace. If anyone would like to shrink down and enter my body and get rid of the virus, well, I would let them. You could talk to me and I would respond, but it would look like I'm talking to thin air. People would assume I'm crazy, but after the explanation of a small man/woman/monkey swimming in my body helping me heal everyone would say how courageous that man/woman/monkey was being. I'm sure I could rustle up an award for you. (side note - Innerspace was just on tv a few weeks ago. Your shame if you missed it!)

Positive note - the government isn't all that bad. I mean, they just sent me my tax refund with an extra $300!

This weeks Six Feet Under surprised the crap out of me.

I'm gonna go cook me some soup!

4-24-02
I spent too much on a rug that brings my whole room together.

Yesterday I forgot to shower. When you are unemployed there are days when showering becomes a major accomplishment. Yesterday was not one of those days. I put on the same clothes I had on the day before (thinking I was going to shower later). The clothes were a little nicer, meaning I had a button down shirt on and no blue jeans. The only problem was in my mind I knew I was not as spiffy looking as I appeared, because the clothes were worn a day before. It wasn't until later in the evening that I changed out of them coming to the conclusion that a shower was never in the books for that day.

The rug is worth it.

4-22-02
Certain times when you look into one's eyes you can see that they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Or at least something is bothering them, maybe not the fate of the world. It could be something as simple as "I haven't farted in three days; I hope nothing is wrong." I looked into my eyes today and saw that look.

But after further review looking into the mirror I realized it was just a bunch of monkeys hanging out on my back. I told them to shoo. They just beat the floor with their fists.

I don't like it when my pants are sluggish.

The attempt at bowling was made last night. After a live witnessing of a poor Blackhawks performance in Playoff Hockey I needed a little cheering up. Bowling! As soon as we get out of the car we see a whole bus load of people actually getting off of a bus and entering the bowling alley. Crap. Instead I got a drink.

Not that alcohol actually cheers one up, but I wasn't all that sad to begin with.

My friend Marc gave me a gift yesterday. It was fabulous. Spider-man playing baseball! At first you have to think to yourself is it fair for Spider-man to play baseball? Then you look on the back of the box and see that not only does he play baseball, but basketball and soccer. (the best thing about the soccer picture is he is only wearing the mask and gloves of his spidey costume.) Sometimes I sit around thinking that I could do a better job than these idea makers in some companies. I mean who would, in their right mind, purchase a baseball playing Spider-man (not in a joke mind you). If I was in charge we would see some money in the bank ideas such as Spider-man playing golf or bowling.