My Archives: February 2004



All I wanted to do this morning was lay in my bed and listen to the rain hit my window. Nothing more nothing less. Instead I dragged myself out of bed mostly due to the fact I felt guilty since I had to drive two of my friends to work. Stoopud guilt.

Iím full fledge in a funk. I was able to bounce out of it last night for a bit, but Iím just not with it today. My brain is trying to tell me something, only I have absolutely no idea what it is. Work isnít helping either. Patience levels at a minimum. Iím not even taking phone calls. Grr.

My hand is still functioning. Thanks for asking. This will be appearing on my resume when I do apply for a position with the mob. Ability to withstand having my hand slammed in a car door. How the hell can they refuse me?!

Posted by fookayooka @ 09:56 AM CST [Link]


2-19-04 part 2

Ever feel like youíre sitting here watching yourself? Sort of like a dream? Thatís how I feel, and have felt since my interview ended. Iím not really sure how the interview went. I didnít feel as comfortable as I hoped. I hate that. I actually have always hated the interviewing process. It feels like Iím being judged too much without people really seeing me. Whatever. After I got home I passed out for about 15 minutes. Not really sure why. Then I was on my way to meet a friend at a bar at the nice crisp hour of five oíclock. The thing is when I got into the car I ended up slamming my hand in the door of the car. Problem especially when the car has automatic locks. I just yelled, ďDonít do that!Ē Repeat ow and itís like youíre sitting there with me. No more then ow though. It was strange.

Later in the evening I broke our remote control just for the satellite, it still works to change the channel of the tv. Go fig.

And thatís how I would sum up my day. Out of it, breaking things, things falling apart around me. If I were you I would stay the fuck away from me for a couple of days.

Iíve decided that the reason all these things are happening to me is Iím taking any bad energy directed towards my friend Marc who is currently staying in Japan celebrating his birthday. Then again, he has already celebrated his birthday since Japan is a day ahead of us. Those crazy Japanese.

Posted by fookayooka @ 08:47 PM CST [Link]


I have an interview today. Bonus part is I get to leave work early, almost like a half day. Except I know me and by knowing myself I will be making myself so nervous. Iím hoping that even if I donít get the promotion (extra money would be nice, not talking to people yelling and screaming at me for four hours a day would be pretty sweet) this will get me out of my laziness haze that Iíve been in to begin the search for a new job.

Posted by fookayooka @ 09:17 AM CST [Link]



Iím not having trouble sleeping. Iím sleeping a slew of hours. Iím going to bed earlier in attempt to recover. So far Iíve been unable to catch up though. My eyes are sore. Iím groggy, and I can barely keep a coherent thought in my mind for more than 15 seconds (which might not be a new thing Iím just aware of it now). My dreams have been so vivid too that when I wake up Iím a little shaken / confused / annoyed at my subconsciousness. All I want is to wake up alert and ready.

Of course I donít think Iíve awoke alert and ready at all during my life.

Posted by fookayooka @ 10:07 AM CST [Link]



Going on day three of being over tired. Eyes wonít stay in focus no matter how much I try to force them. StrainingÖÖeyesÖ..donítÖ..wantÖÖtoÖ..seeÖÖdoubleÖÖ.

Today we played hooky for the final three days of work. Shhh. Donít tell anyone. It was pretty nice. It felt like we had the whole day off. All we did was go shopping, where my friend bought an old Chinese game called Go. Easy to learn the basics, but it can be deep in the strategy. I bought some books. A birthday gift from me to me!

I should have used the gift certificate but that was left at home.

A few days before my birthday I did acquire a new board game (itís the winter, itís what I do when itís cold out) called Settlers of Catan. Itís quite sweet.

This birthday was the first one where the thought of it being Valentines Day didnít enter my mind. Many things did, but not that one. Another thing is that it almost didnít feel like my birthday. Well, at least the part about me not buying drinks felt like my birthday. Something felt a little off. Due to the chaos of going to one bar and it being sold out and me trekking to two more bars till we found a place we wanted to dance the night away a lot of people who planned on celebrating with me were unable to attend, either from me not being able to contact them or that they headed on home. It was strange. A lot of people were missing due to a whole slew of reasons, (Dean, Wisconsin, lack of funds, time, anger, annoyance, location) and it didnít really hit me that nightÖaka lots of free drinksÖbut it did sadden me.

Current count of gifts Ė parents loaning me some money early, new cds of bands I have no idea who they are, birthday plate, cash for my broke ass to get through the next couple of weeks, free drinks.

My niece has an ear infection. She cried most of Sunday. I let her hold my fingers in her small baby hands.

Posted by fookayooka @ 10:56 PM CST [Link]



Holy crap that was my birthday!

8 strangers wished me a happy birthday at some point in the evening. Most of them did so with out me telling them that the day was my birthday.

Controversy broke out when I was standing in line to get into a bar a guy came running up yelling about how it was his birthday. I shouted it was mine too, we yelled. Then he quickly informed me that the tomorrow was really his birthday. I felt cheated because now he was raining on my parade. Luckily he stepped off. Snap.

"Their power is weak." Spoken by a Japanese student. (you may be asking how I know a Japaenese student said this since I live in ChicagoÖ.I woke up in a strange place will answer all questions) Does it really matter what they are talking about. I say no.

Stoopud Yankees.

There was a challenge made that I was supposed to make out with Ďxí number of girls last night. I mean, it was my birthday and it was Valentines Day. So last week I was asking people to get a rough estimate on what number they thought would be appropriate. It varied wildly. Most of the females were in the 6-12 girl range. This made sense to me. They felt anymore than 12 then Iím just sleazy. Then one friend, Donald, told me that minimum it should be 13 (divide my age in half) and maximum should be my age. Yikes is all I said to that. Well, the evening is over and technically speaking I would say none of the challenges were met. Technically. Take that for what you will.

Posted by fookayooka @ 02:00 PM CST [Link]



Tonight we are leading off with some exciting news. Thereís another Saul running around. I would like to welcome my new niece into the world. With another girl staring into her new world it just goes to show you that there are some new and exciting things out there. Let me be the 12th (Iím thinking Iím about the 12th person) to say hello. Glad to meet you. Hope I can make it down to St. Louis to visit you as soon as I can.

They finally found my car and fixed it for me. About time.

Iíve been doing things wrong. That much is sure. Iím used to just being. Not shaking up the status quo. Itís what I do, or at least it is what I used to do. I realize I havenít been doing that so much, sitting by, letting things go by. I guess part of me wanted a bit more. It was the simple things, the simplest of actions that I felt I wanted to mean more. Iím not sure if I forced the moments to be more important, but at some point they were. Things that Iíve talked about doing I wanted them to be momentous, so I held up doing them so that they could be shared or impact me more, that they wouldnít be the same old. Now Iím beginning to think that wasnít fair. Iíve replaced all these thoughts now with some sort of anger and unrest. That isnít healthy. What is is, and what was was.

Posted by fookayooka @ 01:28 AM CST [Link]

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