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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

somuchhamlet

I get a couple days off from work this week, allegedly it has something to do with Jesus, but I don't think it does really. I've got one more day of work to get through, but two more nights of Danish gravedigging...

So six weeks after his re-certification, the Great Leaderís approval rating is now 48%. No president has ever been re-elected with an approval rating below 50%. That was close. Wipe that sweat from your brow and congratulate yourself on another job brilliantly done, Karl. This week the C in C chastised cowardly Iraqi troops, who he spent so much time praising during the campaign, for abandoning their posts. One must fight valiantly not to smirk and think of the skies of Alabama that Bush was willing to cede to the Viet Cong. What exactly are the Iraqis supposed to be dying for again? Democracy? Surely they can see where ours got us, to say nothing of where it got them.

Did you hear about the priest who killed two people and then hanged himself? I bet he was possessed. Priests going on killing sprees and then hanging themselves is always a sign that some ancient demonic force has been unearthed. I can only hope that the dogged, sexy paranormal investigators are able to read the signs and avert the apocalypse before itís too late.

Iím a bad person.

I got a Christmas card from one of my big bosses (one of the three very attractive women who run my division) in which she said she expects big things from me in 2005. Thatís a nice thing to hear, especially as Iím choosing not to interpret said big things as being remotely related to my job.

And on the topic of beautiful women, which Iím never really far from, Iím not a follower of Hollywood gossip. I like to read interviews with movie stars and stuff Ďcause Iím interested in their craft (movie star is my ďfall backĒ career if literary superstar doesnít work out) but I usually donít pay attention to their sexual escapades with each other and all that stuff, but I recently read something on IMDB, and this is apparently a very old story but Iím just now familiar with it, but actress Mary Louise Parker, whose ďWest WingĒ character I fell madly in love with was apparently married to actor Billy Crudup. Mr. Crudup left her for Claire Danes when she was eight months pregnant. You know, I generally think of myself as pretty jaded. Love is a fleeting thing (my last romance lasted sixteen hours) allís fair, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky, life is painÖbut EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT? Obviously that sucks in principle, but principle is not my concern, rather, the specific person who has been wronged here, Mary Louise Parker is a goddess. Seriously, she walks among us, as a goddess. Iíve spent some time over the years discussing the hotness of Claire Danes, but sheís got nothing on MLP. Dear God, the third season of West WingÖĒIíve got wit, charm and legs that go all the way down to the floor, my friend.Ē Iíve never been precisely sure what that means but I know that it convulses me with strange and wonderful sensations every time I hear it. In short what Iím saying is that Ms. Parker deserves to have a man serving her every slightest whim at all hours of the day and night and I believe myself to be an ideal candidate for the position. I am willing to dedicate this entire website to demonstrating this thesis.

I donít have much to say about Christmas, I hope you have fun. I imagine I will. I think I will have a good Boxing Day if nothing else. Boxing Day is vastly underrated.


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Replies: 3 comments

Looks like somebody could use some QUALITY FACESITTING from Mary Louise Parker. And she's just the kind of classy dame who could pull it off.

Oh, there's no shortage of Sorkin praise from this corner of cyberspace, trust me. I am a worshipful fan of Sports Night as well as WW. He is supposedly working on a new show that is about the backstage politics of Saturday Night Live. Ironically, I once wrote a play about two TV sketch comedy writers that was strongly inspired by Sports Night. And now he's writing an inevitably beautiful show that steals my idea. Well that's the biz. Also, when my American Demigods company starts living up to its name, the first non-me or my friends written play will be, I hope, Sorkin's "A Few Good Men", with me in the Tom Cruise role naturally.

I too ADORED Ms Parker's character on West Wing. It is important to point out though that her fabulous lines were all written by Mr. Sorkin...a drug addled genius that I wish would put the damn crack pipe down and write something else soon.

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