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Friday, October 14, 2005

on suckitude...

Most of the time I really only need to pay cursory attention to current events to get me to the point where I throw up my arms and ask the heavens "Why does everything suck so goddamn much?" The latest thing to make me ask that question is the dozens of killings in Russia, a place which has probably long stopped asking the question of why things suck and just accepted the facts that things suck. Is Chechnya *really* so important to hold on to Vlad? I don't want Chechnya, what are you going to do with Chechnya? Make stew? See the thing about terrorism is that I feel it works. Really it does. I mean why are we killing and being killed over some of the least attractive real estate on the planet? I look at all these violent Muslim separatist movements and I think someone really ought to start violent secular humanist separatist movements. If we ever get organized, I'm convinced we can kick the collective asses of the crazy Christians, Muslims and Jews (and I don't like that shifty look the Hindus get sometimes, I'm watching you New Delhi!) we'll obviously win, not through our overwhelming numbers and excess of military experience but through our passionate and eloquent appeals to reason and fundamental decency. Yes sir, I'm drawing up the plans for conquest this very moment.

The job is fairly pointless this week, the job alternates between ridiculously busy and ridiculously not. When it's ridiculously not, I'm held accountable for my sloth. More than a little irritating.

They'll never catch me because I'm fucking innocent.

I apparently have a scary, crazy neighbor who gets drunk or otherwise chemically impaired and proceeds to do destructive things. I saw the guy's face and he's apparently been beaten up pretty badly in the recent past, most likely by himself. He is also evidently wont to shout out things like "I am not a psycho! I am not a psycho!" which is the sort of statement that often has an immediately self-discrediting effect, particularly when shouted.

Sidebar: Douglas Adams posited in one of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, can't remember which one, that the most disturbing thing you can do to a human being you don't know is to walk up to them and repeat the words "Blood. Blood. Blood." over and over. Other really disturbing things (for some reason I can't quite explain) include getting spam e-mail with the header "Can you please assist your mother?"

My neighbors, including my roommate are very worried about living near a guy like this. I kind of shrug it off as one of the realities of urban life. Once a man has spent several years living with my uncle Gerald, there's not much that can shock him. A scenario that repeated itself several times:

ME OR MY DAD: Gerald, you're lying in a pool of your own blood.

GERALD: (Looking up, slurring) Yeah?

But it is troubling to be sure. Apparently this guy is of Irish/Scottish descent, which explains everything. By coincidence, and I'm not sure she's realized how serendipitous this is, my roommate's English boyfriend has come to stay with us for the next week and a half or so. Having an Englishman around is the perfect, because we'll just get him to colonize the Irish/Scottish guy's apartment. My roommate has protested that her man is not an oppressor, but I believe that even if he has never colonized anyone, it will come naturally to him.

Last chance to see the wacky serial killer play this weekend. Although I'm now much more excited about the romantic comedy set in an apartment play I'm writing right now.

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Replies: 3 comments

"Is Chechnya *really* so important to hold on to Vlad? I don't want Chechnya, what are you going to do with Chechnya?"

Impale it, of course!

Actually Gerald, for all his tendencies to lay in pools of his own blood is fairly well versed in current events, albeit seen through the prism of the fucking Jews and whatever the fucking Jews are doing to him.

Yes, I'm glad you enjoy the site, Twinters, you are its most vocal fan.

Rory, I love your posts. And I'm sure all the other lurkers out there do, too!

Re: Chechnya. A few years back when more violence was occuring, my uncle commented that the reason Russia will never let it go is because of its oil. As he is nothing like your uncle Gerald (rather so nice as to let me throw parties--some involving taking saunas--at his place while I house-sat in college), I think that his remark is worthy of further research. Sounds like something you can do at your pointless office job.

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