A few days ago, I noticed that something was wrong with the Internet. I didn't consult anyone else but I assumed this was a global phenomenon. Yesterday I fixed it by plugging and unplugging some things and now the Internet works again.
I can only assume the global economy has plunged into a frenzied state in the last few days, but now, peace and order will be restored.
There's no need to thank me, I just did what any of you would have done if you were lucky enough to possess my considerable intellectual gifts.
I am a hero and a genius.
"You can love the Lord and still be cool!"
That is a relief, let me tell you.
I just want to make it clear that being cool is still my highest priority.
You ever see this guy Carlos Mencia? He's my new favorite comedian because he's so *fearless*. He sees people who are powerless and downtrodden and he has absolutely no qualms making fun of them.