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Fixing Afghanistan

In honor of the fifth anniversary of 9/11, here is my plan to fix Afghanistan, AND win the War on Drugs -- for almost nothing.

Afghanistan, as you might have heard, is expecting a bumper crop of poppies -- enough to exceed world heroin demand by 30%.

With that in mind, here is the plan we should follow.

1) Leave Afghanistan.

2) Let the Taliban come back into power and burn the poppy crop.

3) Sit back and watch as the world's entire population of junkies applies for visas to Afghanistan.

4) Grant said visas, and provide the junkies with slow boats to Asia. On the journey, seasickness should crank their frenzy and desperation to Sean Youngian levels.

5) A few flatscreen TVs and high-tops may be stolen by the more desperate junkies on their way out of your country, in a pathetic bid to have some kind of bargaining chip with the Taliban. This is OK. This is a free country, and things like this happen in a free country.

6) Watch as the world population of junkies floods Kabul. Listen for the faint collective scream as they realize they cannot petition the Taliban with high-tops.

7) Watch as the junkies overthrow the Taliban and take control of the means of production. Soon they will set up efficient assembly lines for the production of both heroin and filthy mattresses, and consume their entire annual output of same.

8) The Taliban is vanquished, and so is the problem of opiate addiction within your borders.

9) Your turn. Fix Iraq, Lebanon and Israel.