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Wednesday, February 1, 2006

a corrective to certain scurrilous assertions

I must now break my silence. Recently here at certain insinuations have been made. Misleading and completely unfounded insinuations.

"If Rory knew how to post photos, rest assured he could give everyone a visual update of What Went Down After Most People Left. Yes indeed, there was a little 'Brokeback' action going on. Oh yes..."

Now, the person who made this comment has evoked a certain recent Academy Award nominated motion picture with the apparent intent of implying that I engaged in certain well not entirely heterosexual acts towards the end of my recent birthday celebration. As my following argument will demonstrate, this implication, I can only say in the strongest possible words, is so much falderal and hokum. Just because, (and my quotation marks will indicate the highly dubious nature of all these constructs) I "kissed" "another man" "on the lips" does NOT mean that I engaged in any kind of same gender, you know...activity.

What people, especially females, in our debased contemporary culture do not understand, is that there is a Bond Among Warriors.

When two men have been in combat together (and being in a play together is very similar) they...understand we're talking about two guys who've been on the field together and stared down the Beast together. Okay? They've been through Heaven and Hell together. There are unspeakable terrors to be well as unspeakable rewards.

When two men clasp each other on the shoulder, ordinarily I might find that somewhat suspect, but not when we're talking about Warriors. Who have a bond. When two warriors do that, or indeed "kiss", that's not in any way gay, that's cementing the bond, acknowledging the solidarity that is created when you place your life in another man's hands. That's not gay, it just isn't.

When two warriors hold hands, they're not holding hands in a gay way, they're silently commemorating wounds endured and remembering the screams of their fallen comrades. Older cultures understood this. Advanced, older cultures that were not gay.

And when two warriors...tear each other's clothes off and "make love" that's possibly the *single most profound* expression of their heterosexual manhood. And if you don't understand why that is, you never will.

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Replies: 4 comments

I know all about Neo-Spartans.

I'm almost disappointed this is a favorite post because I think it's largely ripped off from the routine I saw comedian Dom Irrera do on Dr. Katz many years ago. I put it in my own voice though. His bit was "Doc, sometimes I just want to lay you down flat on the floor like a pancake, not in a gay way, but more like we're two Vikings who are so secure in our Norse heritage..."

It was homage, not plagarism.

This is by far one of my favorite posts. Ever. Especially since I own the photographic proof of your warrior-like bonding.

I just have one final concept for you to ponder upon: the Spartans.


Rory, you are mostly right. You know, Brokeback Mountain is absolutely not about gays. It's about two incredibly not gay individuals, who happen to live their entire lives in supreme not-gay-ness. What happened at your party was merely some actors being "actory," which should not be confused with either "gay-ness" or "warrior-hood." (Though, for the record, it's closer to the warrior side.)

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