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Monday, June 26, 2006

Everyone's Fat...

That seems to be as good a moral as any to take away from one's ten year high school reunion. It was in general, a mighty good time. It was fun, I'm still mostly in touch with my best friends from high school but it was very cool to see, you know, my more mediocre friends again. Much like "Grosse Pointe Blank" I found myself reconciling with my high school bully! Kevin Conroy is really someone I would need to describe to you in person for you to begin to understand what he was like. Think Biff from "Back to the Future" and you might be sort of on the right track. He used to call my friend Tom Deluca "Tom Depukea". My recently married friend Nora related to me how she met Kevin on a bus, the summer after freshman year. She innocently showed Kevin a tape, saying "This is my favorite tape that I like to listen to...", Kevin immediately grabbed it and destroyed it, Nora spent the rest of the bus ride franticly trying to put the tape back in while he laughed. Oh, good times...

Anyway, Kevin got all huggy with me and told me how "Everyone grows up..." I suppose they do.

And then there was Tom Callahan, the incredibly strange kid who always used to grab people and furtively ask people if they believed in "the UFO's" What are you doing these days, Tom?

"I'm working at a SPY!"

Cute girls I was barely acquainted with gave me their numbers. That was nice...

Lots of people have reproduced. Madness.

I got very, very drunk. The most treacherous phrase in the English language may well be "open bar", the second most treacherous is "Your friend's expense account".

So the next day was major hangover time. I'm not a man who drinks to excess often, so I'm not much used to that feeling, but I'm sufficiently familiar with it to know I don't like it. So I started Googling "hangover cures". Did you know that milkshakes are hangover cures?

Shit, Negro, that was all you had to say!

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Replies: 3 comments

I never really expected Kevin Conroy to be *alive* by this time in high school...

The girls giving me their numbers thing was mostly a joke, I'm sure they were just being friendly. I mean a lot of guys gave me their numbers too and surely you're not suggesting...oh wait, this is Loyola Academy we're talking about...

By the way, as I understand it, Kevin Conroy is employed as a real estate agent, which is precisely the very last thing I would have expected him to do for a living when we were in high school.

Are we naming names? Who are these girls that provided their sacred digits?

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