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November 29, 2006

Jury Duty

If you have a trial scheduled tomorrow, I just might be 1/12th of your Judgment Day.

Don't quake in your boots too much, though. I always make sure to hate the sin and love the sinner.

November 24, 2006


Thanksgiving would be the perfect day for civilization to collapse. There would be a sudden absence of basic goods and services, but people would be predisposed to be charitable to each other. Plus there would be leftovers.

Before that happens, I would like to declare a new holiday. It would be called "National Be Your Own Worst Enemy Day." Unlike other holidays, which don't normally prevent us from having hordes of enemies who want to destroy us, this would be a national day of recognition of the fact that it's mostly not them that are out to get us. It's us.

So, you know, when civilization collapses, we'll know who did it.

November 22, 2006

I might be turning into a cat.

I want to sleep sixteen hours a day. The rest of the time I want to be fed and petted.

On the other hand, I can still read. It's good to know I have options.

November 11, 2006


I don't know the first thing about "first things first."

For one thing, "things" is too vague. For another thing, it excludes "no-thing," which many wise men tell us should be the first and only thing. Or it would be, if nothing was in fact a thing -- which it is not.

Oh well. Time to launder my underthings.

November 09, 2006

Oh Dear.

I think I have a girlfriend.

Or I might have a power drill. I'm not sure. It's been a decade or so since anything like this has happened, so I might have misunderstood the situation.

November 07, 2006


Adrienne Shelly.

Your saucy cuteness made the world a more bearable place. But cuteness isn't good at staying the hand of death. It only makes the noogies harder.

Election Day

It's just like Christmas, except that inside every box is an old white guy.

Ah, don't fuss. You'll grow into it.

November 06, 2006


Election Day will prove that we've finally learned something about zealots: mainly, that their judgment is bad.

But let's not reject them too openly. Otherwise they'll decide not to count our votes again. Then we'll have to wait another two years.

November 04, 2006


to Hoss, L.T. and Rory for your kind words.

If you ever stopped to ask yourself "Should I throw the bums out?", well...here's your answer. The article's language is jazzed up a bit, mainly because throwing bums is not in and of itself entertaining. But after reading this article, it should be clear what needs throwing and where.