Every now and then, whenever my mind drifts towards the subject, I realize that my mind is completely blown by parrots. Is anybody else’s mind completely blown by parrots? They can talk! They’re birds who can motherfucking talk! And everybody just sort of blithely accepts it because they’re parrots. That is, birds that talk. Holy shit! Every animal communicates somehow or other, but only humans and parrots talk. Oh sure, we’re told, they’re just mimicking sounds, they don’t really comprehend what they’re saying. Says you, Mr. White Lab Coat. I think parrots are beings from another dimension where cats are constantly holding cell phones in their paws and dogs wearing tweed jackets are professors of literature, and they’ve bewitched us all into taking for granted that they belong in our world. Jesus! One of my party guests last week was talking about Koko, the world famous sign language proficient gorilla. Apparently Koko has never had a baby, and she recently signed that she wanted one. Because she wants to pass sign language on to it. She has hopes and dreams for her offspring to be smart like her. That’s a bloody evolutionary step is what that is. If this is the beginning of Planet of the Apes, I’m all for it. They can’t do a worse job of things than us. If Koko doesn’t get to have a baby, I will be very sad, as will anyone with feelings.
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I forgot to mention that the parrot was smoking a Djarum Mild and looking rather bored. He was probably wishing he was on the open sea.
I pass no judgment on your drunken old man. I believe it is entirely reasonable to talk to parrots, because as I noted in my post, mind blowingly, parrots can talk.
The other night, David & I were at the local Amoco station filling up the tank. David wrestled with the dog, a "schnoodle" we were taking care of while I pumpled gas. An old man, somewhat disheveled and leathered tan, but allowable since it's so damn hot down here, pulled up on his red DUI-mobile talking to himself.(Sidebar: Apparently, you can still drive mopeds and scooters if you've had your license revoked due to drunk driving because some state reps forgot to include those machines in the law's language. Brilliant folks, here.)
I get back in the car and mumble to David that the guy was talking to himself. Without missing a beat, David replies, "No, I think he's talking to his parrot." I look at him like he's crazy and then shift my gaze back to the old man. Sure enough, there's a large green parrot perched on the old man's shoulder. I looked back at David and said, "Arrrggg, matey."