I woke up in a strange place

By Marc Heiden, since 1997.
See also: a novel about a monkey.

October 18, 1998 first three people to notice that this page has been updated after more than five months win the lost like this special achiever award...don't trample each other as you rush to that mailto link, kids. erase the "home.html" and start at the beginning, because I redid the entry page too.

have you ever had a guest that stayed longer than you really wanted them to, or even just one who made a mess before they left and you don't want to have to deal with it? I find myself in a situation something like that except you have to imagine me as a disaffected teenage Dr. Frankenstein because I assembled the guest in question. I never really intended for this website to last beyond the school year in which it was created - september to may, as it were. my previous webpage had been static and I prefer that method of web presentation. my online modus operandi has always been to hide nigh-infinite bits all over the structure and let the dedicated search for them - allowing the expansion of perception to compensate for actual regenerating product. this time out people got both and they kept complaining when the web page was left alone. stinkers.

understand: this is not an extension of myself. there is no correlation between action and representation here. this is just some shit on a computer screen...with that out of the way, here you go. I don't really intend to do updates quite as frequently as I did last year, but who knows? ain't no one producing anything like it, flava from a school of fish in an ocean so deep not yet seen the light of day...it's got my name on it, so I suppose I have to do something with it. and besides, this is the new frontier, or hadn't you heard...

well, what I done? I set this summer aside for accumulating the List of Surreal Jobs that every famous person has to have in order to spice up interviews. in that regard it was a massive success - I did everything from getting buried underneath an avalanche of rollerblade helmets to rearranging and redecorating a mental hospital. no joke. financially it was somewhat less than successful, but that was a problem to be dealt with by later selves and I had a splendid time overall. I finished writing a novel and acted in an independent film that was shooting in the area: a drama about family crisis in a steakhouse. 16 millimeters of my face onscreen, the line cook on work-release who had a plan to make a break for it...an amazing experience and it kept me unavailable for "Godzilla 2", sorry guys.

the MechaCradle, my car of May origin, continues to run beautifully and without problem. with this vehicle, there has been a notable decrease in frequency of meteors that fall from the sky while I am driving, which is good. as for the ghost of the original Cradle, the Trial of the Century continues. in August I drove up to Chicago for the arbitration date, which is just like a trial but it is done before three arbitrators instead of judge and jury. I walked in there, looked that bitchmonkey straight in the eye, and kicked his sorry ass all over the circuit courts. the arbitrators took all of two minutes to award me every single cent I asked for. it was a wonderful thing to be a part of: they announced the verdict and suddenly these swarms of people appear all over the place, entire crowds holding him back from me, and he's yelling at me "you're nothing but a two-bit punk! you got nothing, you hear me? nothing!" and I calmly reply "you're going down for what you did, Hall. don't drive like an asshole. here endeth the lesson." it was a moment of immense drama and it was great - that's not to mention the bomb threat, and knocking the gun out of his hand, and impaling his silent but deadly hired Dutch henchmen, and getting a commendation from the mayor for saving the city - but it unfortunately was not final, as the opposition has the legal right to reject the arbitrators' ruling and take the case to a full trial. so he did. why he thinks that a jury of twelve average people is going to be more sympathetic, I don't know. I'd think they'd be less, if anything. but so it goes. what a dick. the meeting to determine the date of the meeting to determine the date of the trial has been held (once again, no joke), so we're awaiting the date to determine the trial date now. the Trial of the Century continues. it is at least nice to have it confirmed for me that the even the legal world finds this situation as absurd as I do...

oh, the "lost update" is in the "past" page, by the way.

I have a new apartment. the last one was chosen for its last-minute availability; this one was chosen because I actually like it. the cats seem to agree with my choice. they are each sleeping inches away from me. one thing that I can't afford is TV - although I can watch videos, I don't have an antenna and cable costs far too much unfortunately. I have been keeping busy though and can only think of two times in the last week when I actually missed it...

Potted Meat - Halloween at 8pm, Channing-Murray Foundation (Mathews and Nevada in Urbana). very good for you.

this web design thing is comfortable once you slip back into it.

hot damn, there are a lot of words on my page.

I woke up in a strange place is the work of Marc Heiden, born in 1978, author of two books (Chicago, Hiroshima) and some plays, and an occasional photographer.

Often discussed:

Antarctica, Beelzetron, Books, Chicago, College, Communism, Food, Internet, Japan, Manute Bol, Monkeys and Apes, North Korea, Oregon Trail, Outer Space, Panda Porn, Politics, RabbiTech, Shakespeare, Sports, Texas.


January 2012, December 2011, January 2011, September 2010, August 2010, June 2010, March 2010, October 2009, February 2009, January 2009, September 2008, August 2008, March 2008, February 2008, October 2007, July 2007, June 2007, January 2007, September 2006, July 2006, June 2006, January 2006, December 2005, September 2005, August 2005, July 2005, June 2005, May 2005, March 2005, February 2005, January 2005, December 2004, October 2004, July 2004, June 2004, May 2004, April 2004, February 2004, January 2004, December 2003, November 2003, October 2003, September 2003, August 2003, July 2003, June 2003, May 2003, April 2003, March 2003, February 2003, January 2003, December 2002, November 2002, October 2002, September 2002, August 2002, July 2002, June 2002, May 2002, April 2002, March 2002, February 2002, January 2002, December 2001, November 2001, October 2001, September 2001, August 2001, July 2001, December 1999, November 1999, October 1999, May 1999, February 1999, January 1999, December 1998, November 1998, October 1998, June 1998, May 1998, April 1998, March 1998, February 1998, December 1997, November 1997, October 1997, September 1997, and the uncategorised wilderness of the Beelzetron era: 010622 - 010619, 010615 - 010611, 010608 - 010604, 010601 - 010529, 010525 - 010521, 010518 - 010514, 010511 - 010507, 010504 - 010430, 010427 - 010423, 010420 - 010416, 010413 - 010409, 010406 - 010402, 010330 - 010326, 010323 - 010319, 010316 - 010312, 010309 - 010307, 019223 - 010219, 010216 - 010212, 010209 - 010205, 010202 - 010109, 010126 - 010122, 010119 - 010115, 010112 - 010108, 010105 - 010102, 001229 - 001224, 001222 - 001218, 001215 - 001211, 001208 - 001204, 001201 - 001124, 001124 - 001120, 001117 - 001113, 001110 - 001106, 001103 - 001030, 001027 - 001023, 001020 - 001016, 001013 - 001010, 001006 - 000927.

Written by Marc Heiden, 1997-2011.