« More panda porn; jingles | Main | Idiots with megaphones; onward monkey brain; spectral black apparitions; relative ease »

October 1, 2003
Here is the data from my latest research. As a warm-up exercise for the lesson that's intended to teach the phrase "each other", I have the students decide on a random hero and a random villain, and then they must tell the story of what happens when the hero and villain meet (each other). Ideally, they stumble across the language construct without realizing it, and then I can teach them using their own text. Pretty clever, no? I cap the stories at five lines, because some students would go on forever if allowed, and some struggle past two. I don't get to run this exercise as often as I'd like, because the one of the other teachers does the "each other" lesson with most of the students before I get the chance. (And sucks at it, too.)

PRELIMINARY DATA, "HERO V. VILLAIN" TRIALS

HERO: Superman
VILLAIN: Al Capone

1. Superman flies into Al Capone's office.
2. They do not like each other.
3. Al Capone shoots Superman.
4. Superman kills Al Capone.
5. Superman throws Al Capone through the window.

RESULT: Superman d. Al Capone (fatality).

***

HERO: Rhett Butler from "Gone With the Wind"
VILLAIN: Evil Pirate Captain from "Pirates of the Caribbean"

1. Evil Pirate Captain kills Rhett Butler's girlfriend.
2. Rhett Butler is angry.
3. Rhett Butler blows up Evil Pirate Captain's pirate ship.
4. Rhett Butler kills Evil Pirate Captain.
5. They hate each other.

RESULT: Rhett Butler d. Evil Pirate Captain (incomplete fatality - the pirate, though dead, is apparently still capable of hatred).

***

HERO: Spider-man
VILLAIN: Vega, from "Street Fighter 2"

1. They fight.
2. Vega wins.
3. No, Spider-man wins.
4. I don't think! Why?
5. Spider-man is hero!
6. Eh!

RESULT: Spider-man d. Vega (the final 'Eh!' came after the five-sentence bell, so it cannot be counted in the judges' tally).

Data was listed in order of how successfully the students were using "each other" at the end of the lesson. The first class was so proud of their story that they had me photocopy it for them. The second class got bogged down by the crazy old lady trying to tell the story of "Gone With the Wind" in broken English to the teenagers who had never heard of it. The teenagers in the third class refused to speak to each other for the rest of the lesson.

Now that the weather is cooler, I'm trying to get out and around for some more photographic documentation. It rained for 48 hours straight during my last two days off, though, so opportunities have been limited thus far. Outside the 99 Yen Shop near my school was this lovely sign, photographed with fellow teacher Spaceinvader's camera phone:

Every time I begin to lose my patience with Japan's shenanigans, it goes and says something sweet like that. How can I say no? Of course I am also comin'.

Earth-J is well-renowned for its strange use of English, but they rarely get credit for their bizarre combination stores. Here is one, from the restaurant district:

If you look closely, the sign reads: "Coffee and Spaghetti". That's the concept of the cafe: coffee and spaghetti. Re-united and it feels so...gross. The chef came out and shook his fist at me after I took the photograph.

The next entry is a shop off to the side of an up-hill road leading to Kiyomizu-dera, a temple in the mountains:

On the left: designer handbags. On the right: gravestones. Together, in one store. Who said you can't take it with you? Kaufman and Hart, consider your theories punked by Earth-J.

The champion of the combo-store scene is actually quite sweet: it's an art gallery and milk store. They have a teddy bear wearing denim overalls that sits out front, sometimes holding a milk bottle and sucking his thumb, other times just sitting at a table as if waiting for dinner. They sell high-quality dairy products and framed prints. Sadly, there is never, ever anyone in there. I plan to shop there some time. I really do. I haven't taken a picture of the place, because I don't want to make them self-conscious.

Some places are not so welcoming of foreigners:

The one on the left says "keep out", obviously. I'm guessing that the one on the right says something to the effect of "The foreigner isn't keeping out, is he? He's wandering past like he doesn't even see the sign. Goddam it. Look, as a fellow non-foreigner, could you please do me the favor of kicking him?"

Other places tell you not to enter, but are conflicted in their message:

So do you go with the signs and the roadblocks that are telling you to stay out, or the statues of the happy man and the giant rabbit that are telling you to come in? Jesus. Where was this shit in my high school ethics class?

---

Post a comment:

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember personal info?