I woke up in a strange place

By Marc Heiden, since 1997.
See also: a novel about a monkey.


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December 21, 2005

I did some hand modeling today. Soon, poll workers in some counties will receive a manual instructing them on maintenance of their new printer modules, which are designed to print voter-verifiable receipts for electronic voting machines. It was pretty dry material, so I sexed it up a bit, and the finished product was dynamite, aside from one extreme close-up of the tip of my index finger, which was a bit ragged. "I'll Photoshop you a manicure," the photographer assured me.

HOLY CRAP! I'M A POLL WORKER AND I'VE BEEN A FAN OF THIS WEBSITE FOR YEARS! HOW CAN I TELL IF THOSE ARE YOUR HANDS IN THE MANUAL I'VE JUST RECEIVED?

1. Do you detect a certain sauciness about the hands in question?
2. Does the left thumb have a freckle below the thumbnail, off to the left?
3. Are the fingers shooting lightning at their target?

If the answers to questions 1 and 2 are 'Yes', then those are probably my hands. However, if the answer to question 3 is also 'Yes', the hands are more likely to be Emperor Palpatine's.

That's not okay. Stop that.

Posted on December 21, 2005 04:25 PM |




I woke up in a strange place is the work of Marc Heiden, born in 1978, author of two books (Chicago, Hiroshima) and some plays, and an occasional photographer.

Often discussed:

Antarctica, Beelzetron, Books, Chicago, College, Communism, Food, Internet, Japan, Manute Bol, Monkeys and Apes, North Korea, Oregon Trail, Outer Space, Panda Porn, Politics, RabbiTech, Shakespeare, Sports, Texas.

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Written by Marc Heiden, 1997-2011.