Yes, there are occasional reminders that, although I've lived here before, I am not at home. Tonight, after work, I went running by the river. I usually run at night, away from the crowds. Hiroshima is run-down and tropical along the banks of the rivers that don't flow downtown; it makes for a pleasant course, if not quite as nice as the Kamogawa in Kyoto. After I'd run about half my usual route, I thought I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't tell if it had fallen or been kicked up by my cross-trainers. It was dark, though, and I wasn't carrying anything that I would care about dropping; anyway, my attention was immediately occupied by a curiously large, cool bead of sweat I could feel making its way down my right leg. I puzzled over it for a while and assumed that exhaustion was playing tricks on me. Finally, turning away from the river, I came to an intersection and had to stop for a moment to let cars pass. That's when I noticed that there was a thin, slimy snake on my leg.

I kept my cool and dealt with it. Look, though, this isn't Kyoto - surrounded by a ring of mountains, well away from the sea, complete with ancient cultural treasures to attest to the fact that nobody has gone stomping through there recently. This is Hiroshima. Flying reptiles are a serious concern here - this is where it all began. If Godzilla's parents were a celebrity superstar couple, they would have named him "Hiroshima".

It's wise to keep wary.

A FEW VARIATIONS ON THAT BIT ABOUT GODZILLA'S PARENTS, OR, KAIJU N THE HOOD

When Godzilla talks about something that happened back in the day, this is where it probably happened. When Godzilla surveys the young monsters and wonders when all these scenesters showed up, muses about how much better it was when it was D.I.Y., this is where they did it. When Godzilla needs to salve his coke-scarred sense of self-worth by claiming some exclusive awareness of where they lead a simple, honest life, far away from the cynical star-fuckers on the coasts, this is where he's talking about. The first time Godzilla lifted a shop, this is where he lifted it from; when Godzilla gets released from the volcano and the judge says he has to live under house arrest at his mom's house, this is where Ghidorah shows up at all hours and this is where the backyard gets fucking destroyed but nobody is all that bothered because they're just happy to see him doing well again, and they hope he'll stay clean this time.

I could keep going.

Following on from yesterday:

FIVE SONGS I WOULDN'T HAVE EXPECTED TO BE AVAILABLE AT A JAPANESE KARAOKE BOX

1. Death From Above 1979, Romantic Rights
2. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Is This Home On Ice
4. Sid Vicious, My Way
3. The Rapture, Olio and I Need Your Love (but not House of Jealous Lovers...!)

Obviously, my rendition of My Way was note-fucking-perfect. Damn! I have raised Nancy Spungen from the dead and now I have no idea what to do with her.

It's good to have you back. Where else could one turn to have the adventures of the Royal Order of Monastic Bellhops chronicled in photos?

Posted by: Sacki | June 14, 2006 03:09 PM

Thanks. I figured it was about time to set the record straight about whether the Royal Order of Monastic Bellhops was amused by my antics or the antics of any persons associated with me.

Everyone ought to click on the link underlining Sacki's name, by the way.

Posted by: Marc Heiden | June 15, 2006 02:08 AM

LMFAO....ALthough that snake bit was scary...whew!

Posted by: becky | June 19, 2006 12:17 PM