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Friday, March 31, 2006

so that's nice

My co-Whatjailisliker Marc and I have often bemoaned the plight of the bonobo ape, which is a serious plight. Assholes are killing them and eating them at a terrifying rate. But I just read that the mountain gorilla population of Rwanda is thriving.

So there's that.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

how much is that planet in the window?

Must go outside and play, must go outside and more hour...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

so it is

I would like to write some dazzlingly witty things here, but ah...this is not a good era for website writing it would seem. My computer is still inoperable, so if I'm going to write here, I have to do so from the sordid environment of my office. I will now tell you about the great things that are going on.


So what's going on with you? That's an idea. An open thread. They do that all the time in the "blogosphere". If you read this thing, make some comments. Tell us whatever is on your mind. The Internet is democracy at it's most radical. Anyone remember that? From the nineties?

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Day Four

Day Four of America Held Hostage: My computer still doesn't work. Someone (like Rob) should really do something about that. Sure, you're deathly ill, but what's the point of BEING alive, man, if the PURPOSE of your life (serving my every whim) is thwarted?

Clearly I'm being punished by God for misusing my computer, wanking around on the Internet too much instead of writing.

O spirits are these the things that must be or the thing be or the things that MAY come to pass?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

life sucks in every way possible

Seriously. Life is not even going on in its awful status quo, things are getting actively worse. My computer seems to have fallen apart. Some kerplitz has apparently kerplopped and it won't turn on to do the things I must have it do. This is intolerable.

I guess I'll go vote today. The 2006 Illinois primary is dumb, nothing exciting but I'll swing by the ol' polling place anyway. Governor Rod Blagoievich is a standard issue Chicago Democratic machine wanker. Also, I've heard him speak live and he told a joke about the mating habits of pigs.

That would be fine if it had been funny, but it wasn't.

Actually it's pretty hard to screw up a joke about the mating habits of pigs. So since I don't think it's likely I'll be voting in any GOP primaries anytime soon, I have to vote for Eisendrath. Eisendrath! Eisendrath!

Doesn't the excitement just course through you?

The revolution begins now.

Saturday, March 18, 2006


Haven't posted anything in a while, the Cold That Will Not Die may have something to do with that, but I thought I'd rerun this very special post from a couple of years ago about V for Vendetta, since the movie just came out. I haven't seen it yet, but am looking forward to it. Right, back to the Spring Hiatus then.

July, 2004:

On the bright side of anarchy, I finally read the graphic novel V for Vendetta by the brilliant Alan Moore last week, which I've wanted to do since I was ten and just got around to, there are a lot of books like that. It was written in the early '80s, and was about a costumed rebel named V fighting a fascist government in post World War III Britain. It's kind of muddled in parts, it's not Moore's best work but it does include this brilliant speech that V makes to the British statue of Lady Justice:

"Hello, dear lady. A lovely evening, is it not?
Forgive me for intruding. Perhaps you were intending to take a stroll.
Perhaps you were merely enjoying the view.
No matter. I thought that it was time we had a little chat, you and I.
Ahh... I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V.

"Madam Justice... This is V."
"V... This is Madam Justice."
"Hello Madam Justice."
"Good evening, V"

There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

"The poor boy has a crush on me... An adolescent infatuation."

I beg your pardon, madam. It isn't like that at all.
I've long admired you... Albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say, to my father, "Who is that lady?". And he'd say "That's madam Justice." and I'd say, "Isn't she pretty."
Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal. That was a long time ago. I'm afraid there's someone else now...

"What? V! For shame you have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!"

I madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!
Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

"Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one..."

Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his arm-bands and jack-boots!.
Well? Cat got your tongue? I thought as much.
Very well, so you stand revealed at last. You are no longer my Justice. You are his Justice now. You have bedded another. Well, two can play at that game.

"Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?"

Her name is Anarchy. And she taught me more as a mistress than you ever did!. She has taught me that Justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know.
So goodbye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman that once I loved."

Now that's writing is what that is.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


"Why thou wert better in thy grave than to answer with thy uncovered body this extremity of the skies. Is man no more than this? ...Thou art the thing itself: Unaccomodated man is no more but such a poor, bare, forked animal as thou art."

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Slobodan we hardly knew ye...

Slobodan Milosevic, RIP. Give it up for a man who was slaughtering Muslims before it was cool...

Thursday, March 9, 2006

I honestly don't do drugs

If I lived to the year 2200, I would be 222 years old. WHOA...

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Daily Show Interview

I never knew Neil Young was such a mild mannered yokel...


There's a local character called Jim Oberweis, he's a chain dairy store owner and wannabe Republican politician. He was one of the many impudent losers from both parties who tried to acquire the Senate seat that eventually and rightfully went to Barack in 2004. His campaign then was mostly immigrant bashing (though of course he employs lots of illegals, paying them king's wages no doubt) and his current campaign for the GOP governor's nomination (I've just decided to never, ever type the word "gubernatorial", keep me honest friends!) is mostly gay bashing. The man is every inch a dickhead.

But here's the thing...he sells such wonderful, wonderful ice cream...Literally one of the very best chocolate milkshakes in Chicagoland, take it from a man who should know. Sadly, the ice cream is far better than the champion ice cream of the Left, Ben and Jerry's. Not to knock those very nice fellas who make very good ice cream, but the evil looney's is better. Because of his ruthless embrace of free market principles and willingness to fuck over any innocent people who stand in his way? Possibly.

God, so, so crazy and evil delicious...I've always felt a bit guilty over consuming his products, which I don't frequently because most locations are far from me (Come to Lincoln Square Jim! I'll vote for you! Ack! What am I saying?) but when I get the chance, yes, oh yes. My friend Colleen once posited that he could be a spy, covertly serving the forces of good. Let's face it, that's fairly unlikely.

Anyway, Chicago's gay community has organized a boycott of Oberweis products on account of him being a dickhead/looney (I can't come up with another derogatory term right now, sorry) and this tears me up inside. Because frankly, my standing in the gay community has gone downhill recently, just after hitting record peaks with the Bobby incident, because I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, which of course, means I hate gay people. Sidebar: Seriously! Brokeback's Oscar loss is being attributed to homophobia. Somebody said that it proves Hollywood's homophobia is on the same level as Pat Robertson's! Really, it's heartwarming to see that gays have as many people willing to say batshit insane things on their behalf as any other minority.

So right, the boycott, I was worried for a while but then I read that one of the guy's major franchisees is a lesbian. A decent, hard working lesbian who says the boycott will hurt her far more than it does Oberweis, so people should keep buying their ice cream.

You know what that is: Permission to fucking buy Oberweis ice cream.

It's totally okay, because the lesbian said so.

Seriously, I think I'm going to go get an Oberweis milkshake *simply because* the boycott reminded me of their existence...

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

more on rape

The last time this website had an accidental thematic strand running through several posts, it was Nazis. A year ago it was Nazis, and now it's rape. Tell all your friends about what a delightful website this is!

Last Saturday I saw a play at Chicago's Live Bait Theatre called Extremities, starring my also recently mentioned friend Jared Martzell as a serial rapist who attacks a woman, then is captured and tortured by said woman, raising all sorts of important moral and philisophical questions and whatnot. Jared wanted me to mention it so I am. It's a great production of a pretty good play and it's closing next weekend, so by all means see it if you get the chance, and you have a strong stomach for very visceral drama. The cast, particularly Jared and the young lady playing the protagonist are incredibly, incredibly good. Jared is a wonderful human being, he's a Southern Gentleman in the best sense, and he incarnated a truly monstrous, but not entirely unsympathetic individual here. Really, by all means see it.

The uncomfortable violence of the show reminded me of my own Gods of the Earth, except I found it slightly easier to watch because I wasn't ashamed of having written it.

Monday, March 6, 2006

some notes

On the Oscars: I watched the Oscars in their entirety just now, because of Mr. Stewart's role as host. I've already heard it said that he was not as funny as on the Daily Show, that's possible but only because it's extremely difficult to be as funny as he is on the Daily Show, but I think it was quite great. I've only seen I think Munich and Goodnight and Good Luck, of the big nominated movies, both of which I enjoyed very much, although the latter only on an simplistic, unnuanced level that was basically liberal porn. I was mainly watching for Jon. And those montages. I may be one of the few people in the world who loves those montages.

But the other man I'm in love with in a completely non-gay way is George Clooney. As a much admired by me blogger/writer Meghann Marco said of him: is it physically possible for a human being to suck as little as he does?

And now for some heterosexual thoughts, only tangentially related to the Oscars: I watched it at a party hosted by cute girl book editors, and the party was filled with other cute girl book editors. Witty, literate, cute girls talking about books make me want to kiss them, a lot. Not that I did.

Also, I officially proclaim the Jewel on Western and Roscoe just north of Belmont to be the Cute Girl Jewel. I want that to become a big cultural thing in Chicago, it needs to be written up in the Reader or something. That is the Jewel where you can find the cute girls, both working and shopping.

Friday, March 3, 2006

Ten o' Clock News Heralds Justice

So apparently you can gang rape someone on *videotape* and walk out a free man.

I love this town!



"How are you?"

"Good, good." (After a moment) "It's FRIday!"

"Sure is!"

"One more day."

"Yes, sir. What more could you ask for?"

How about fewer INANE conversations in elevatiors at eight in the morning?

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